Mrs. Albertina Conde, Betina's Mother

That was the subject line in an email from Saint Francis, the kid's school, six days ago. I was a little excited thinking that Camryn had once again received an invitation to a classmate's house. You see, many times I've received invites delivered through the school, as they're not allowed to release other students contact information. Boy was I wrong.

The body of the email conveyed in a few sentences, that Mrs. Albertina Conde, Mother of Betina Conde had died the night before and her burial was that day at 2pm. WHAT?!? I'd like to say that I thought "poor Betina" and went about my day, but the truth was, I couldn't stop (and haven't stopped) thinking of that little girl and her family.

I immediately located last year's Yearbook and went from class to class trying to find Betina. I found her in Kindergarden, a year older than Camryn. Then as I paged through to find pictures of Aidan and Camryn's teachers, there they were. Betina and her Mother, a large candid of their smiling faces at an event we also attended. I remembered them from that day.

Well, that was when the tears started, the tears that continued for the entire day, the tears that came from somewhere I still don't understand. I'm still fighting back my sadness as I write this post, a post that's been on my mind since then. I have a small idea why it made me so sad and still chokes me up. It was the thought of that little girl coming home from school on Thursday to her Mommy and then burying her in the ground on Friday. I was in culture shock.

Since then, I've taken a little time to learn about death rituals in Brazil. What I've learned has explained the business like email from the school and the quick burial that day. It's also got me thinking of the emotional value of handling death the Brazilian way.

When a death occurs in Brazil, the body is buried within 24 hours. Although I first thought this was strictly due to the lack of embalming in South America, I didn't run across any reference to that fact. What I did learn, is that once a person is no longer alive, the "body" is just that, a body. There's no reason to keep it around. The family and friends in the immediate vicinity gather at the grave sight and watch the burying of the body. This is attended in normal attire, not fancy or austere funeral clothes, a "come as you are" affair. Thus the email from the school inviting us all to take part. This is the more "public" part of the ritual which then allows for the true grieving process to begin, the one that is more private. This is considered "day 1" of 7.

I can only speculate what the next six days are spent doing, but I do know that this is when the long distance relatives travel from afar and surround the bereaved. They often stay together, they share meals, sleep when they're tired, and cry as much or as little as they want. In my family, this would probably be a time for memories, laughter, tears, and hugs. It sounds so much better than sitting in a funeral home, on a set schedule, trying to forget that there is a dead body that looks nothing like the person you loved, laying in the background.

On the seventh day in Brazil, there is a memorial, a mass, or in some cases, just a laying of flowers on the grave, depending on the religious affiliation. After seven days, life attempts to get back to normal.

Before I took the time to learn about this, I thought how awful it was that Brazilians rushed through the grief process, how cold it was for Saint Francis to send that email. Now I know how wrong I was. I feel better knowing that Betina has been surrounded this last week by people that love her and her Mom. Tomorrow is day seven, and on day eight, the family will leave town, go back to work, go back to school and life will go on for a little girl in Brazil.

She was just a name and a face to me, but meant to touch my life for some reason.

Rest in peace Mrs Albertina Conde.

Thank you for prompting me to learn about my new culture and reminding me how life can change in an instant.

Note: I may have interpreted some rituals incorrectly, so if you know differently, please comment and teach me some more.