As some of you who follow Facebook know, the transition into full day school for Camryn has been tough. She loves the school, but she loves her Mommy more and would rather follow me around for eight hours watching me do chores, exercise, blog, shower, cook...anything as long as she can see me.
It broke my heart put her on the bus while she feigned a stomachache and clung to my leg. It killed me to pry her away and watch the bus drive off with her lip quivering. Then I had an idea, but first a little personal information.
For those who love her most (as you're the only ones she allows in on her little secret) Camryn has two vices- a blankie and an Abhu. It's pretty obvious what Blankie is and Abhu is a name she uses for her pacifier. Yes, Camryn will be five in May and I still allow her to have her pacifier. There are a lot of reasons for that and I take full blame for her love of Abhu.
Foremost, when I've attempted to remove Abhu from our lives, I've found Camryn sucking her thumb. If I (or any dental professional) had to choose, they'd say the pacifier will cause less damage to her teeth, so Abhu it is. But more importantly, I see a calm and comfort come over Camryn when she's allowed to have her Blankie and Abhu, a calm and comfort it's hard to maintain when you move your kids to a new place every couple of years.
So back to the idea. What was the idea? (and now that I think about it, it was really Camryn's suggestion).
Let her take Blankie and Abhu in her back pack to school. Magic! She stopped crying and started talking about why she was scared to go to school. Just the security of knowing she would be able to have her prized possessions, helped her overcome her fear and open up to me about the true problem, kinda like a psychologist building up trust until a patient feels safe enough to talk. I found out it wasn't school she dreaded, it was the bus ride home. Her exhausted little self just couldn't handle the one hour long SCARY bus ride through Sao Paulo. Now, with Blankie to sniff and Abhu to suck, she falls asleep before they even leave the school. Problem solved (and I don't get a completely grabby child off the bus anymore)
The state of feeling safe and secure is one that is hard to find in the third biggest city in the world. We live among 20 million people, trying to find that peace of mind amidst a city that is known the world over for it's crime.
I discovered in myself, that I too need my security blanket. As the days and weeks have passed by, I can feel a sense of serenity building in my daily life. Everyday tasks are becoming easier, faces in the neighborhood are becoming familiar, the sounds of the city are becoming white noise, and I finally know where I am when I open my eyes in the morning.
I realized that people I care about, and people who care about me are my security blanket. That's not something I could pack in a box and ship to Brazil, but it is something I can create here in Sao Paulo.
On Friday night, we met another American family for dinner at a local pizza place. We sat and talked until the children fell asleep. As we were walking out, we ran into someone else we knew from the Newcomers group. She introduced us to her family. On Saturday, we went to the American school to sign the kids up for Little League and were greeted with hugs and kisses from another friend I met at Newcomers the week before. We were introduced to more people. On Tuesday, my oldest (not in age) friend in Sao Paulo and I met my other friend for lunch and shopping and she brought another friend. On Wednesday, my friend came over to lay by the pool. This morning I went to the fruit fair and was greeted by my regular vendors as "their favorite American". They knew who I was. In 7 days, I've knitted a decent size piece of my security blanket.
If this move has taught me one thing so far, it is this. All the anxiety I felt about packing up our house, what was being shipped "sea" vs. "air", was our furniture going to look right, how would I hang my art work on those concrete walls, did we have the right clothes with us. It really wasn't important. What I really needed to survive was sitting right next to me on the plane, my little piece of the bigger security blanket I had to leave behind.
So when I put Camryn on the bus with her back pack bulging with Blankie and Abhu in the pocket, I understand. If only we all could feel safe by breathing in the smell of our childhood blanket or the softness of twirling our hair (Aidan). I feel lucky that I find my peace in the love (and loving) of others. There's no additional baggage fees and I can take it anywhere.
As old and wise as I am, I think Aidan was years ahead of me as I recall something he told me when he was five. To best of my recollection it went like this.
"Mom, I had a lot of friends in Indiana and I would have a million more if we stayed there forever, but then all my friends would be in one place. But the more places we live, the more places I'll have friends. Then I'll have friends everywhere I go." Thank goodness for Skype.
The last two days, Camryn came home from school and was so proud that she didn't take Blankie out once. "That's great!" I told her, feeling happy that she was finally feeling more safe. "And guess what Mommy? I made a friend. Her name is Sophia. She's really nice and she loves me". I think Camryn's working on a new security blanket too. I have a feeling it's going to look just like mine.
In honor of Valentine's Day, this post is dedicated to my most treasured security blanket, my Husband David. From the moment I met him, I knew he would protect me from harm. Not a day has passed since, that I haven't felt safe and secure.
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